Discovering Self Course

Discovering Self

A course at The Calgary Pagan School

Inspired by Great Psychiatrists, Counselors and programers and Written by Laurie Lee Mills

 

If you follow through with everyday meditations and brain exercises, we’ve learned previously, eventually you will become more aware of all the things you want to change about yourself. You will become more focused and become able to tell the Gods more clearly what you want, without the inner thought clutter or static interference. This, my friends, is better than any drug you can get.

To heal, we say to our group (in sharing time) each moon 1) what a problem is that we are having. 2) how we plan to work on it, or have worked on it, and ask for suggestions if nothing has worked 3) ask for the kind of support we need.

If a person isn’t able to be intimate and share, without fear of judgement, they’ll get too stressed out which in turn causes illness both mental or physical. If the same old story keeps coming back to circle without improvement within 3 moons then we do not want to hear it anymore. You need to take it to a professional. There are many who get their energy by being angry and blaming others as then they get all the sympathy and well wishing and encouragement with compliments from others even strangers on the net. They become addicted to this and subconsciously cause crisis to happen so they can get their fix. Sad. I call it the Mimi syndrome. If a person is really serious about resolving an issue, it will be done in 3 moons. If they do not get this attention seeking approval of their actions, they move elsewhere to another group who tolerates these things for awhile then they move again until they find persons at their maturity level. In order to truly want improvement in your life, you do not want ongoing unwarranted sympathy.

These are some things we do in Discovering Self that most of us need to work on if our lives are not where we want them to be:

    • We help you see how to Get rid of “ugly” persons – those who make you feel bad about yourself by never supporting any venture that makes you excited and holding you back, thus keeping you in their view of the world, Those who continuously do things to you or make you do things that you don’t like or want to do, those who are always whining or are emotionally draining – you can tell because once they’ve left you feel depleted or sad. And lastly those who constantly hurting you or making you feel bad about yourself. This may sound like an easy thing to see but it is not. For most they are unwilling to get rid of the familiar and some of these people they’ve known for years or are family.

    • We Help you see how you might be hurting others – Are you constantly hurting a person close to you and either don’t care, don’t see how you are or can’t seem to stop. Do you think it is their fault. *If this person is your mate, leaving for someone else will not solve the problem. We Help you to learn how to set boundaries – details of what you feel when they do the act and what the clear consequences will be if they act this way again.

    • How developing a new relationship without healing the past issues within, will result in the same all over again. You will have the same set of problems with added new difficulties but all with the same lesson to learn.

    • Help you understand the differences – lust is lust, friendship is friendship & love is another thing all together. The connections between these and the boundaries. We Find happiness in someone as a potential mate, first by developing a close bond and having mutual attraction. If you had this in the beginning, then it still is there even if times are difficult now. It just got buried somehow. You must learn how to uncover it.

– Discovering Self class is all important to know for providing better communication skills for your social life, career and love life.

We will listen to anything, no matter how bizarre, and will support you in your struggle. You’d be surprised to find you are definitely not alone. From the most bizarre fetishes, to prostitution for survival to drug use and so on. No need to be worried here in this SAFE environment. You can be yourself with no judgement. Don’t be worried if you think you need to work on something that seems overwhelming or embarrassing. Addictions, sex addictions, abused or abuser, closet gay and so on have been discussed before.

When sharing personal things in circle, we always go through the five emotions then END WITH A SOLUTION THAT YOU WILL TRY.

The Calgary Pagan School

can be found here.

 

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Depression is related to the Question Who Am I

So many of us attach ourselves to a title or role and many spend their whole life trying to define themselves this way.  We feel lost because we do not know who we are or what our purpose is.  Stop the madness.  I have a title…it is Chieftain to my tribe or founder of a Tribal tradition.  I am also a mother, a teacher, a law enforcement officer, a sister, a brother, a daughter, a son, a friend, a lover, a husband a wife. etc.  You do the same thing but if you’ve experienced loss and that loss is attached to that title, that group, person or that material item, you hit bottom.

For many, and you’d be surprised at how many, they don’t have a family or friend that they feel close enough to talk to.  They go to work and they go home….they have conversations with their pet or, once in awhile, their mom or acquaintance but this is not enough because it is not real companionship.   Its not someone who spends time with you or talks to you everyday.  They don’t help you through anything, some even say they understand but then you don’t see them for awhile again.   It is not true companionship.  It is surface pat on the head fluff.  It is not a real hug, it is all superficial.    The companionship I am talking about is the kind where you feel safe and secure because someone has your back no matter what you do or say because right or wrong they will help steer you to the light again.  The kind where you feel so strongly their love that your passion for life slowly slowly.  Without this feeling of unconditional love, the further we are disconnected from nature, from our Universe, from our Mother, Creator, or God – it doesn’t matter what you choose to call it.  Without this a deep depression sets in.

No one else seems to understand or even see it because we are walking zombies, going through the motions and some of us even cover it up with jokes or plastic smiles.  They don’t know what you are going through.  You can even tell them and they say they care or give you unasked for advice and go off on how they got over something and the subject always turns into their own story and you never get to really finish yours.  They might as well of patted you on the head for its like putting a bandaid over a festering wound.  Yes you are right we have to heal our own selves but for the people who really don’t have true friendships or people to visit or take them out, we do not have much opportunity to be able to think clearly.

When you attached your identity to the title, or material item, your ego gets really upset for it loses.  We get angry and we blame the other.  “How could he do that to me”, or “what am I if I am not a wife anymore” or “I’ve been doing this job for 20 years, what do you mean I am too old”.  Some retirees curl up and die inside.

I, yes me, never understood depression, but had an inner knowing that any type of depression can be healed without drugs.    I now understand depression completely as I was in one  for almost 3 years and am slowly coming out.   I still believe it can be done without drugs and doctors.

First of all, we lose the ability to cry for ourselves but we can cry for others in a movie or commercial.   We can tell others about how we feel but they tell us we ‘shouldn’t feel that way and give you all their stories and anecdotes.  But what we need is for someone to truly listen, not turn it onto themselves and what they did, but truly listen.  Let us tell our story out loud as many times as it takes because sometimes we’ve buried it so deep that we need to say it out loud because only a bit heals at a time and we discover more.  Let us vent for the Gods sake.  Let us vent long, while you nod and listen, and repeat what we are saying and ask if “So you must have been angry” or “that must have devastated you” and so on.  I mean really validate us people.  We usually just say a bit but get cut off.  We need a full day or week or month  of venting until we can finally cry because someone gets it.

If you attach yourself to the title of giver then you feel cheated when someone doesn’t return the favour when you’re in need and you are not giving in true compassion, you are giving with an agenda and keeping score.  Never give if you cannot afford to lose it.   This anger is the same resentment from losing a love.  Divorce and seperation is the same as a death.

My depression started when I lost what I thought was 7 close friends that were students of mine that I had gotten to know and love and help over a period of three years.  We saw them once a week at least.  Gave one $500 dollars, gave another one a place to stay and so on.  In the end I had my things stolen, and abusive cyber-bullying on the internet.  Right after that I lost my common law husband because of all the energy I was giving to them and our failing sex-life.   Now if a loss of a friendship or love is like a death I had just experience 8 BOOM.  Try that for a kick in the stomach.  With no friends and no love I moved out on my own.  You must remember a move is extremely stressful as well.  The count is 9 changes.  My work was all alone, there was nobody to talk to as I seriously literally work alone.  No one else in my company there.   So now the depression sets in, because most people have at least one person to talk to.  I’ve kept it in so long I coudn’t even cry.

Oh and it got worse, my favorite Uncle died from my mom’s side, oh and then my favorite Aunt dies from my Dad’s side.  The count is 11 deaths.   My ex and me split up with no basis other than no sex life  but our friendship was still incredible so I was totally confused and felt like an old dishrag to throw away.  I felt so ugly and had gained 30 lbs over these 5 years of failing sexual intimacy which then bled into resentment which leads to emotional intimacy gone.   Through all of this…I am still alive but my heart is still in many pieces.  It constantly hurts and I do not feel whole.  I have been able to share pieces with members of my tribe but feel like a broken record and do not wish to burden anyone because they have their own issues and because…read above, it never really goes anywhere.  Also I don’t like it because he is also a member and I don’t like to diss him among his peers as well so it is a dead end.  We ended up as roommates.

Well I packed up and moved back to another city and moved in at my age, back in with my parents.   Do something new or expect the same result right?    I had my CD’s that I’ve listened to many times before but never really played the whole thing all the time.  On the highway though by myself, no radio, I listened.  You know when you get that more than a coincidence feeling?   The songs sang to me.  And it was a happy song that made me cry, a tribal song of love for her people.  Thank the Gods I thought I am crying.  I don’t know what I am doing or why I am moving or where I am even going in my life.  I don’t know what I’ll be doing but that is not who I am!!  I am one with all!!!!  I became the watcher, the observer, something I taught and understood but never experienced in such a profound way!!!

I am far from healed and do not wish to bring this baggage into a new relationship but hopefully someone, even if its a stranger, will here my story and I shall be whole again.  My heart still hurts but maybe, just maybe, each person I meet has a little bit of glue.  I also am blessed to have received such a warm welcome and came home to persons I had not seen since my teens and another group since my twenties and they embraced me a welcomed me back like no time had gone by.  I decided to take correspondence and chose the course.  I cannot find work yet but know it will come when I am ready.  I lost 7 lbs.  I cried alone again on the way home from lunch with the girls today but tears of a small joy.  I was also grateful of the times remembered with my high school friends at a house reunion and the amazing blessings of old tales of the events that happened to us they gave me.   All put a smile on my face.   Yes, its going to take awhile to heal but this is all so overwhelming that I think I stepped on to the right path.

Thank you Mother Earth, Thank you

Brahva Cwmevos

 

Copyright February 28th.

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The Calgary Celtic School

Welcome To

The Canadian Celtic Pagan School

for Seekers who wish to learn what Northern European Tribalists or Traditional Wicca practices are all about.  Please go to this address and push ‘like’  today!!!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/The-Canadian-Celtic-Pagan-School/117571394973641

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Hello world!

Hi there World,

This is Brahva reporting to you with my Bardic tales and also some other interesting items of interest!  I will return soon to start telling you about the fascinating world of modern day Celtic and Scandinavian tribes, mythologies and maybe silly thoughts of an everyday Chieftain like myself.    Throughout the ancient Celtic myths are hidden many of their beliefs and Celtic symbols and I will give you but one more scholarly version of how they might be interpreted as well as some new modern day trials and tribulations of a mythical tribe or a real one.  We tribalist enthusiasts love to learn and share about new groups and events as well so please feel free to write me and I may share your story with permission.  I am also the proud owner of “The Celts and Vikings Store so feel free to have a look there as well we have many products that we sell to our US and Canadian customers but some products we ship worldwide!!!   We also have a wide variety of collectible products for those who do as well!  Talk with you all soon!  In the meantime checkout our store! http://www.celtsandvikings.com.  We add new product twice monthly!!

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